A Baby, A "Scare" & Much Needed Prayers...

Well if you have facebook then you probably already know that I am pregnant! I am 12 weeks and although I am SO nervous I am SO very excited! I really don't think I will be able to fully relax until I am holding this little baby in my arms. As many of you know, I have had many losses in the past so each time I get pregnant I hold my breath each week that passes. I go to the bathroom I swear over 100 times a day; not to pee but to make sure there is no blood on the toilet paper. It is not a fun way to live but with my history it is the only way I know. I really thought I was going to make it through my first trimester with no "spotting" episodes but that all changed on this past Tuesday when I went to the bathroom and saw the much dreaded spotting. I cried immediately and thought this can not be happening. What would I tell Ryker? He has been asking me daily, for the past year or so now, when God was going to take a baby out of the sky and put it in my tummy (this is his idea of what happens and then the best part is he thinks we spit them out). As I stared at the toilet paper with tears streaming down my face all I could think of was how would I explain this to him and why was this happening yet again to me. I quickly called my Dr. who told me to come in and he would do an ultrasound and we could see what was going on.

On the drive to Bellingham all I did was bite my nails and pray. I thought for sure I was losing this baby. As I laid back on the table, with Ben by my side and the Dr. getting ready to do the ultrasound I said a silent prayer and asked that God please let me have this baby that our little family so desperately wanted. As the cold gel was squirted on my tummy I held my breath as I looked at the screen. I could see my baby, kicking it's little legs like crazy and then we saw and heard the heartbeat and I exhaled and thanked God that everything was okay. I am still spotting and my Dr. thinks what is happening is that as my placenta is growing it popped some blood vessels within my body and usually the body will just absorb the blood from the popped vessels or sometimes it will find another way out...which is what is happening in my case. I pray that it stops soon but the Dr. thought it would probably last for a week or so and wanted me to take it easy. Although it is not alot of spotting it is still there and it still scares me each time I see it. I do alot of praying and hoping and ask that anyone reading this does the same for me and my baby.

I have told Ben and others that I just need to get through the next 16 weeks. I will then be 28 weeks and I can "picture" in my mind that size of baby as that is the size of what Ryker was when he was born. I had him at 30 weeks but he stopped growing they say at 28 weeks. Of course I hope and pray to make it past 28 weeks with this one, but once I get that far along I know that survival is possible as I see it everyday when I look at my 5 year old. Although pregnancy is hard for me I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know I am "lucky" to be a women who can get pregnant even if I do have the scares and losses that come with it. I take the good with the bad and just try my best to stay as calm as possible...alot easier said then done, but I am trying. Here is a pic of our much loved babe.